Secrecies Surmise Your Cries
by GundamExia
Summary: Uchiha Itachi has a deep love for his little brother. Sasuke doesn't understand his feelings for Itachi and he's dating Naruto. Sasuke's choice... This is an OoC story by the way. WARNING: Slight Yaoi, Uchihacest, SasuNaru, OOCness. Completed.
1. Jealousy

Disclaimer : The day I will own Naruto, is the day that the sky falls and we're all surrounded by light blue. Oh, and the sun has to be with the clouds so that we all die. Anyways, I don't own Naruto or any of the contents of it. The only thing I own are the ideas in this story.

Note : My first fanfic on Naruto. .;;; The title comes from the song "Justify by _The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus_" but the story has nothing to do with the song. I just liked the line. And, the line matches my story at the beggining so I just decided to use it.

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**Secrecies Surmise Your Cries ** by **Bloody Itachi x3**

**Chapter One : Jealousy**

The doors shut. He had left once again. Uchiha Itachi stared out the window of his house. Sasuke was headed for Naruto's place, at least that's what he _thinks_ he's doing. Itachi turned and punched a hole into his wall, he didn't get it. Why did Sasuke love Naruto so much? All Naruto had seemed like to him was one of those dumb blonde girls, except Naruto was a guy. _I get why Sasuke would like Naruto so much, what that boy does is so stupid... it gets kind of cute. Wait.. did I just say Naruto is cute? Damn you author!_

"Damnit, Sasuke." he glanced at the picture hanging on the wall of them when they were little... Yeah they were like totally working it on the bed. jk. Sasuke had loved him so much back then, an aching brotherly love that was kind of wrong. Now, his little brother ignored him half the time, and they always argued now. Itachi tried to hold back his tears, but they began to drip down his cheeks. "What does Naruto have that I don't? What makes him so special to you, Little Brother?" _it must be the ramen..._

Itachi walked up the stairs into Sasuke's room. Everywhere, pictures of him and Naruto, except for that one picture of them getting it on.. not. He saw one of Naruto's fluffy chicken coats (an orange hoodie covered in fat chickens) sitting on the bed along with a picture of Naruto on the pillow. The ninja glanced at Sasuke's computer. He had a chat window opened.

_iLuvRamen : 'Oi Sasuke!_

_Waking2You : Hey there, Babie. _(He spelled baby wrong, thought Itachi.)_ You got me at the right time. I just got finished helping my brother clean the house. _(Er... right. You just got finished watching me clean the house. Damn you Sasuke.)

_iLuvRamen : The first thing you mention is always Itachi._

_Waking2You : ... _(HO! Do I feel special or what?!)

_iLuvRamen : Whatever, what you wanna do tonite?_

_Waking2You : Sex...?_

Itachi closed the window and slammed a fist on the desk. He exited the room. "I'm never going to win over that blonde. He didn't kill our clan... nor did he ever make the mistakes that I made." am image of Gai-sensei naked flashed in his mind.

Falling to his knees in front of Sasuke's door, Itachi stared blankly up at the ceiling. _Okay, it's not my fault I tried to sneak into Kisame's house and ended up going into his shower._

xxxxx

"Onii-San! Wake up!" said a voice. Itachi opened his eyes. Sasuke was shaking him. The young ninja laughed. "I'm home! How long have you been--"

Itachi shoved Sasuke aside and walked down the stairs.

Following him, Sasuke cocked his head. "What's wrong? Aren't you going to ask me about my day?" He bit into an apple.

"It's going to be the same thing."

Sasuke grinned. "Same thing?"

"Sex, dinner, walks, whatever." Itachi headed for the door. "I'm going to go talke a walk."

"B-but it's--" The door shut. "Late..." he sighed and walked up to his room.

Itachi wandered down the dirt path of the village. He glanced around, the whole place was empty besides the nocturnal people and druggies. Making his way to the outskirts, Itachi stared up at the clear dark blue skies and the glowing black moon. Now why was the moon black?!

Sitting down, Itachi closed his eyes and laid back on the soft, green grass._What did they do today? Why did Sasuke look so happy when he came home? WAIT! He might even..._

The ninja rolled over, he buried his head in his arms. "Why Sasuke?" He closed his eyes.

_Flashback : _

_"You know Onii-san, you're really sexy." Sasuke hugged his older brother. "When I'm older, I want to be as sexy as you."_

_"Whoa baby!" Itachi exclaimed._

_Sasuke accidentally fell over and stabbed his brother in the chest with the kunai he was holding while training to shoot apples on trees with Naruto._

_Itachi ripped the knife out of his chest and limped forward. "S-Sasuke!" he began, falling to one knee. "I l-love y--" a shock of pain struck him through his body. He gazed up at his brother who walked off with Naruto. Probably out of embarassment. THEN! Sakura came over-- End._

"Onii-san!" exclaimed a familiar voice.

Opening his eyes, Itachi stared at Sasuke's face, outlined by the light of the sun. He lookd away and let out a big sigh. "Why have you come to find me again, Little Brother?  
"Well, you didn't_come_ (back home) last night." he scratched his head, "I was wondering if you got caught by a gang(banged). Anyways, I think Naruto is out(dating) with Sakura today. So, I guess I can hang (come) out (of the closet) with you."

"It's been a while." Itachi blushed at his brother. (Yeah, it's been a while. AHAHAHAHAH. Not that he already came out...)

Nodding, Sasuke laid down next to him. "Want to go home, Onii-san?" he froze at the sight of Itachi staring into his eyes, his eyes shifted somewhere else. _Why i-is Itachi-sama so-s-so dreamy? When he stares at me like this... I'm absorbed. I-I can't-- ok he's sexy._

"Sasuke-kun? I don't got boobies." Itachi broke into his thoughts. Sasuke could move again.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing." Itachi felt like he was going to cry, he dreamed of back then when Sakura came to his rescue. And even worse...

Uchiha Itachi looked to his side. He saw a pink haired girl and a blonde... Naruto! They were coming this way. He stared down at the grass and began to twitch. No... Sakura was with him!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

"Sasuke!" Naruto exclaimed, he ran up to his lover and hugged him. He looked at Itachi. There was some leftover rice on his face. Sakura was giggling insanely. "Hi there, Itachi-sama!"  
All Itachi gave him(the rice) in response was an icy glare. If only he could move it with his eyes. Naruto was the thing he wanted least to see. His day was ruined, once again. And once again by the same exact person.

"Naruto." Sasuke kissed his cheek.

Looking away, Itachi blurted out. "You two are cute together." he held back the tears of jealousy, and extreme fear os Sakura.

Sakura sat next to Itachi, actually _this_ is what ruined his day. She cuddled against him and giggled too much more. "Itachi-sama! Want to buy me some lunch? We can--" she was cut off by Itachi.

"Okay, as long as Naruto and Sasuke come." the words slipped from his mouth. _I just agreed to go on a date with HER._ "UH! Wait take that back--"

"OH! I'M SO HAPPY! WE'RE ON A DATE!!!!" Sakura squealed, high pitch.

Nodding, Sasuke held Naruto's hand as they walked to the Ramen Shop. Itachi turned away from Sasuke and Naruto and focused on Sakura. Why would Sakura loose her interest in Sasuke for him? The fact bothered Itachi greatly. Maybe it was that one night.

"Onii-san..." Sasuke muttered, flushing. Itachi was holding his had behind his back.

"Wh-what the--" Itachi turned red as he pulled his hand black. "I didn't realize..." _It's the fear of Sakura._

Sasuke didn't respond. His cheeks were pinker than earlier and he was staring down, avoiding Itachi's eyes.. or non-exsistant boobies. Naruto stared at Itachi. "Sasuke's mine. You can have Sakura-Chan."

"Don't worry, Usuratonkachi." Sasuke eyed his brother's angry face. He shook his head. "Itachi's just my brother. Don't say that he's with Sakura though... they aren't together... yet."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY 'YET'?!." Itachi emotionally exclaimed. _Eh... so I'm _just_ his brother._

Wide-eyed, Sakura began to cry. "Sasuke! You should know Itachi and I are_already_ together. How dare you consider me not dating him!"

Running out in total fear, Itachi slammed into the door. He clumsily opened it and continued out. Sasuke chased Itachi out of the Ramen Shop. "I-Itachi! Where are you going?" he caught up to his brother and clinged onto him. "I'm sorry! I didn't know you were going out with Sakura-chan. I'll be more careful next time."

Pushing him away, Itachi sighed. "You won't understand. Go back To your Naruto, he misses you. Uh.. tell Sakura-chan that I love her or something, I don't know." the ninja jumped up into the sakura trees.

Watching him vanish, Sasuke felt his heart thud in his chest. The younger Uchiha fell over, twitching massively. MASSIVELY I TELL YOU! Ok anyways next chapter go on.

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Yep. So that's my supposed rewrite of chapter one. 


	2. Is it Normal?

Disclaimer : I don't own Naruto. Nor do I own Sasuke or Itachi o.o... Actually I don't own the whole thing. BUT, I own my ideas.

Note : Itachi cries... but for a good reason!!!

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**Chapter Two : Is it normal...?**

Sasuke woke up to a pot impacting on the stone floor. He heard Itachi's loud swearing. Getting up, he rubbed his eyes, the sun was shining on him through the window. Walking to the door, Sasuke made his way downstairs.

Itachi was drenched in hot water, a pot sitting at his feet. He wiped off himself and bent down to pick up the pot. Glancing at Sasuke, Itachi looked away. "Sorry... I spilled the soup. I'll go make some mo--"

"What's on your mind?" he grabbed Itachi's arm. "You've been walking off on me, dropping things, and no--" Itachi flicked his forehead with two fingers and he fell over.

Itachi picked up the pot. "It's none of your business, Little Brother." He filled the pot with more water.

Getting up, Sasuke stared at Itachi. His heart began to beat quickly. _When did Itachi get so sexy?_ He took a towel to wipe off the hot water. His older brother stared into his eyes again. Sasuke was frozen once more.

"Go get any vegetables you want from the fridge," He looked back to the pot, breaking the _spell_.

Sasuke went to the water to dry it off, he silently began to whipe the floor.

"Little Brother, what time are you leaving today?"

"Tonight, around sunset. I'm going to go shopping with Naruto and Sakura... If you want, you can come with us." He glanced up.

No response.

"S-SEE!!! You're s-so quiet! At least lately, and you haven't p-poked me much!"

"Go clean your room."

Fiercely growling, Sasuke stomped up to his room. Itachi let the tears flow. He hadn't cried in years.

Entering his room, Sasuke walked to his laptop. He stared at a large stack of papers next to it. Picking it up, he sighed. _Better go throw these away._ An old slip of paper fell from the stack. Sasuke bent down to puck it up. He stopped. It was from years ago, a few days after the massacre of the Uchiha Clan. The note that Itachi had given him...

_Little Brother,_

_The only reason you aren't dead is because you're the only thing that I ever loved. You're the only thing that I ever will love. Maybe someday... you'll understand. Someday when we can be together again._

_--Itachi_

Shivering, Sasuke stared at the stack of papers. They were all random notes that Itachi gave him. "I better check what I'm throwing out."

He walked back to his computer.

_iLuvRamen has logged in._

Sasuke didn't bother to talk to Naruto. He was frustrated, what was this strange feeling towards Itachi?

_regretzLyfe : Breakfast ready, Little Brother... I don't feel like yelling up the stairs._

_Waking2You : OK._

_regretzLyfe has logged off._

Rushing downstairs, Sasuke walked to the table. He watched Itachi pour them some soup.

"Naruto... seems to really love you." Itachi muttered. "You two... are cute..."

"We have been together for five months."

Sighing, Itachi sipped some soup. His hand shook as the spoon fell to the ground.

Sasuke was wide eyed. Something was wrong with his older brother, the strangest thing since he had an overdose of drugs and killed the Uchiha Clan. "You're worrying me! Tell me what the hell is wrong with you!" He watched Itachi begin to sob.

"Just leave me alone!" Itachi turned his head away.

_You're the only thing that I will ever love._

Sasuke finally realized, Itachi was in love with him. "I love Naruto... Itachi, I'm sorry." His heart skipped. Naruto or Itachi? The thought stabbed him like a knife. Here was his brother crying before him. Naruto was his love--what he loved for so long--Naruto is what made him happy. Itachi was his older brother, he loved him, but not that way.

Itachi shivered and ran off.

_I broke his heart._ He listened to Itachi's screams._ He waited so long, to never get what he wanted. _A crash, shattering glass._ His feelings bottled up ever since childhood. I'd rather loose you than Naruto. Naruto never killed everything we had. He never tried to kill me._ Shattering glass, impact of metal and wood on the wall, silence. Itachi fell to the ground._ Why would he love his own brother in such a way?_

Sasuke ran out of the house, "I should go see a therapist." he ran off to a large house surrounded by sand. "Hmm... GAARA!" The ninja ran to the door and began to bang on it.

Gaara opened the door, he glared at Sasuke. "What now, printer ink?"

"GIVE ME THERAPY!"

"What the fu-- WHY?"

Scratching his head, Sasuke stammered. "W-well! Itachi! He's crying, he hasn't cried in years!"

Falling over from laughter, Gaara sat up. "Itachi crying? Sure, I'd like to know aobut that." He led Sasuke into his house to the living room. Sasuke tried to jump onto a big, fluffy couch but missed. He squealed like a little girl.

"So... what do you want to say about Itachi?"

"He loves me! And I broked his heart."

"Broked...?" Gaara shook his head. He logged into a _Be a Therapist_ website. Amused by Sasuke's frustration, he glanced up. "How do you feel about this?" _regretzLyfe has logged in._

_Sand is S3xi : You should see your brother..._

_regretzLyfe : Why is he there?_

_Sand is S3xi : He wants..._

"Uh, I'm confused." Sasuke began. "I get feelings for Itachi that I don't understand." He watched Gaara type. _Is that guy even listening to me?_

Nodding, Gaara said. "Have you ever... thought about your past?"

Sasuke shook his head.

_regretzLyfe : SEX?! IT'S SEX ISN'T IT!!!?_

_Sand is S3xi :WHAT THE HELL?! Hell no!_

_regretzLyfe : Well.. well... KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF HIM! IF HE'S NOT HOME IN FIFTEEN MINUTES..._

_Sand is S3xi has logged off._

"ANYWAYZ!" Gaara turned to Sasuke. "Explain your feelings."

"Er-- every time I see Itachi my heart races. When he stares into my eyes, I can't move." He paused. "But, when I think about it, Itachi is family. Maybe my feelings are normal. Maybe it's normal to want to make love with your brother..."

"WHAT THE-- No one loves their brother like that unless they're lovers!" Gaara smirked, time to mess with Sasuke. "Sasuke-kun, you're in love with Itachi! Go tell him!"

"NO!!!" Sasuke yelled as he fell off the couch. "I love NARUTO! NOT Itachi! I will never be with Itachi that way!"

Glaring at him, Gaara growled. "So, do you feel better about your feelings... because if you don't I'll kill you."

"Yes."

"Good."

Sasuke hugged Gaara tightly. "Thank you so much, Gaara! YOU ARE MY THIRD LOVER!" He ran out of the house.

_Wow... I should be a therapist more often._ Gaara watched Sasuke run off.

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Omg, Gaara's a therapist, Itachi's crying, Sasuke's going the opposite of "emo". I **am** genius o.o 

I shall write more. xD 3... and it's gonna get even more strange...

Review? ;.;


	3. Yogurt

Disclaimer : I don't own Naruto.

Note : The only reason why I didn't update is because I couldn't think of any ideas. D:

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**Chapter Three : Yogurt**

Itachi woke up late, he stared at the ceiling. There was a strange feeling within him. Stepping out into the hallway, he saw the sacred bathroom, it seemed to glow. The ninja threw himself into it and began to do his thing.

When he was done, Itachi walked down the stairs. He noticed that Sasuke was sitting at the dining table eating strawberries in something... He was typing on his laptop, probably IM'ing friends.

"Ohayo, Onii-san!" Sasuke didn't dare to look into Itachi's eyes.

Itachi nodded. "What's the time?"

"Noon."

"Oh, I went to sleep late." Itachi yawned. He sat next to his brother and looked at what was on the strawberries. It looked like--" What is that?!" he exclaimed, gasping.

"Vanilla yogurt..."

Looking away, Itachi sighed. "Oh, I thought it was..." he began to blush. It was obvious what he was thinking it was.

"Pervert." Sasuke glanced over at him.

Itachi faked a laugh. He took Sasuke's yogurt and at a little. Licking the spoon, Itachi teased, "Doing this with your boyfriend tonight?" he stuck it in his mouth.

Turning red, Sasuke shoved Itachi off the chair. The cup of yogurt spilled onto his brother's shirt, Sasuke lost balance and fell onto Itachi. Their lips were a few inches apart. Sasuke's heart thudded in his chest as their eyes met. He was frozen, under Itachi's little spell once again. Blushing hard, Itachi looked to the side.

"Little brother," he began. "You have five seconds to get off me."

Scrambling up, Sasuke ran to snatch a towel off the sink and wet it in the water. Itachi sat up and pulled his black shirt off. Sasuke turned to see Itachi, he flushed at his brother's half naked body_. It isn't normal to want to make love with your brother._

Walking to his brother, Sasuke bent down to wipe off the yogurt. Itachi flicked his forehead with two fingers. Sasuke lifted his hand to rub his aching forehead, but Itachi took him in his arms and began to lick some yogurt off his cheek.

Slightly smiling, Sasuke laughed. "I don't really want to see Naruto today..." He paused and looked at Itachi who was facing the floor. _He had his feelings bottled up for years..._

Naruto barged in. "Sasu-- WHAT THE HELL?" he watched Itachi lick Sasuke's face in a sexual way. Naruto turned and ran out of the house.

"N-Naruto!" Sasuke shoved Itachi aside and chased his over down the pathway. "It's not what you think! Itachi stole my yogurt and I pushed him then I fell on top of him!" he paused to catch his breath. Itachi had been licking him. And licking him a lot.

Continuing to run, Naruto hopped into a tree. He glanced down at Sasuke who was still panting. "YOU FUCKING CHEATER!"

Sasuke straightened up. "Oh, come on, Naruto! We aren't little kids anymore, take it like a man! It was just yogurt. I would never do such a thing with my brother. That's just sick!" he clenched his fists. "Our pants were on and they were zipped."

"Yeah, right!" Naruto turned away.

"Please..."

The bonde began to jump tree to tree. He glanced behind up, Sasuke continued to chase him.

Uchiha Sasuke growled and picked up speed. He was now at the same speed and rate as Naruto.

"Go away!"

"Just listen to me, Usuratonkachi!" Sasuke panted.

Naruto halted. He sat on a large branch and nodded.

Also sitting at the tree, Sasuke began to summarize the events this morning in his mind. He rubbed his chin. "Well, this morning, Itachi stole my yogurt and I wanted it back so we fell off the chair. Then, the yogurt spilled on us. And Itachi liked the flavor so he decided to lick it off me."

"Just so you're aware... Itachi likes me..."

"W-WHAT? ITACHI LIKE YOU?" he yelled, flailing his arms in the air. Falling backwards on the branch.

Nodding, Sasuke smirked. "He only loves me because..." a dramatic pause came into scene. "... he lacks therapy!"

Naruto's jaw fell open. "Therapy...? THERAPY?"

"Yes, therapy." Sasuke laughed out evilly, he fell off the tree. "Be back later."

xxxxx

Itachi picked up a note that he found in front of the steps, he opened it.

_Itachi!_

_Go see Gaara! He's a THERAPIST! You really need some good advice and help with life! ...No seriously._

_-Sasuke_

Tossing the note aside, Itachi sighed and made his way to Gaara's house. It _was_ Sasuke's advice. He walked down the sand path and banged on the door like a madman. "GAARA! YOU IN THERE?" he screamed.

The door flew open, Gaara glared at Itachi. "What do you want?"

"Sasuke said that you're a therapist."

Pause. Gaara cocked his head. "OH!" he faked a laugh. "Yeah, I'm trying to get my mind of killing for a while." he began to twitch. Even for him, that was a little intense.

Staring blankly, Itachi processed the information in his head. "... uhm... so can you?"

"Of course!" Gaara flinched.

Walking into the house, Itachi sat at a couch. He sank in.

"So.. what do you want to talk about?"

"Well, this morning, I stared to flirt with Sasuke. Then, Naruto walked in." He paused. "That damned blonde... he thought that our vanilla yogurt was... well, you know..." he clenched a fist.

Gaara nodded, his mind was on the fact of hurting Itachi. "How... do you feel about this?"

"PISSED OFF!"

The _therapist_ shoved a picture in his face, to calm him down. Sasuke's naked baby pictures. Itachi stared, drooling. "Anything to get your mind off Sasuke and Naruto? Besides this picture...?"

Itachi sat there and thought for a moment. He shot up and exclaimed : "YES! NAIL POLISH AND HAIR RIBBONS!"

Shocked, Gaara fell off his chair. _What the hell..._

Smiling like crazy, Itachi held his fist up in the air. "Omigawsh, I look so pretty with those. They're like all I need in life. O-M-G and a hair brush, eyeliner, nail cutter--"

"SHUT UP!" Gaara exclaimed. He lifted Itachi in his arms and tossed him out the door. "If you come back, I'll rip you apart limb by limb!"

xxxxx

Sasuke ran around the village with Naruto following him. He was trying to get Naruto off his tail. There was someone in the distance... Itachi! They ran over to his older brother. Sasuke jumped around happily. "Onii-san! How was therapy with Gaara???"

Itachi was wide-eyed, and wide mouthed... as in his mouth fell open. He didn't respond until he began to drool. "That was interesting. I really came out of the closet, releasing my feminine side. I should do that more often... it like totally felt like myself. Like oh my gosh--"

"Enough." Sasuke smacked his head with a tuna.

"Where'd you get the tuna?"

"Uh..." Sasuke spun around to see Naruto fishing in a river. "When'd that river get there..."

Shrugging, Naruto stopped. He glared at Itachi.

Some random girl ran over to Itachi. "Like o-m-g it's Itachi! Make love to me!" she squeezed him in her arms, supposedly hugging him. "You're the hottest person in the world! I want to marry you!"

Sasuke coughed out, "Fangirl."

Lashing out in anger, Itachi cut off her head. He turned to smile at Sasuke. "Why was she dressed like me...Let's go buy more yogurt." he looked around for more fangirls, then he took Sasuke and Naruto under his arms and ran to the grocery store.

Naruto jumped away. He panted. "Get away from us, Itachi. We can go to the grocery store alone."

Glancing at Sasuke, Itachi ran off.

xxxxx

Itachi sat there alone in their house, eatting Sasuke's last cup of yogurt. The taste reminded him of Sasuke, and would probably forever. He heard a knock on the door, Sasuke walked in and ran over to his brother. Looking away, Itachi hissed out. "You should be with Naruto. Actually, why don't you spend the night with him? You two can get a lot of things done... together... alone in that bed..." he began to shiver.

"W-what?" Sasuke stammered. He blushed and scratched his head. "I, um, left Naruto in the dust a few minutes after you left. I just went to take a long walk along the outskirts of the village."

"So..."

"I might leave Naruto. Itachi, I'm developing feelings for you, too." The younger boy turned around, embarrassed. "I'm not sure anymore." He ran upstairs, tears flowing from his eyes. _Dammit, I just admitted it. And now, I can't take it back! Stupid Sasuke! How could you?!_

Itachi was dumbfounded.

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Dammit, I think I wrote it badly. . ;;;   
Eh, review? I don't care what you say. -.- 


	4. First Intruder

Disclaimer : I don't own Naruto. If I did, then the title would be Sasuke.

Note : Random, but there's a point. Search for it.

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**Chapter Four : First Intruder.**

Several days had passed, Sasuke and Itachi only spoke at the important times. Walking into the kitchen, Sasuke sat at the table. He watched Itachi cook soup for breakfast. The older boy kept his back to his brother most of the time. It had been this way back then... when they were enemies. And that was not too long ago.

_I regret everything._ Sasuke stared down at his empty bowl. _Why did I even admit that? Itachi keeps ignoring me now! Yeah, Sasuke, you're so smart..._

Itachi poured Sasuke soup from the pot. He poured himself soup and sat down. Taking a sip, there was a pause of eerie silence. Itachi fell off the chair, either choking or something else... Sasuke stared blankly, he didn't get it.

"Onii-san?" Sasuke poked him with a spoon.

Shooting up, Itachi held up a finger. He took a glass and drank all the water. "I just remembered to tell you something." dramatic pause. "I'm going to go extreme skipping with the Akatsuki Clan today."

"You choked just to say that...?"

Nodding, Itachi squealed. "Well, c'ya later!" he ran through the door.

Sasuke picked up the phone. _Onii-san forgot breakfast._ he dialed Naruto's number and waited for him to pick up. "Naruto-kun, want to come over toni--er right now?"

"HELL YES!" Naruto exclaimed. He popped through the broken door. Naruto jumped on Sasuke. "I heard that Itachi0sama went extreme skipping with the Akatsuki." he licked Sasuke. "I saw them jumping--uh skipping--in the park!"

Blankly staring, Sasuke nodded. "I'm embarrassed to know him. Actually, I know pretty much all of them... intense..."

Laughing, Naruto Uzamaki stood up. He wandered to the kitchen and opened up their white fridge. "Itachi-sama has a lot of alcohol products in here... and most of hte bottles are either empty or half full." he rummaged through a little more. "This milk you have in here is half expired, Sasuke! You're going to get sick from it!!!"

Sasuke pulled Naruto away from the fridge. "Naruto, my dear love," he stopped.

"What?"

"Let's... bake cookies for my brother." he grinned and took Naruto's chin within his palm. Naruto blushed hard as Sasuke released him. Holding up a pink apron Sasuke twirled it around then hugged it.

_Is this really Sasuke?_ he watched the ninja frolic around the kitchen

_Bleep_. Sasuke ran up to his laptop and clicked the message. _regretzLyfe : I'm watching you, Sasuke-kun._ Sasuke held up a clenched fist. "DAMN YOU ONII-SAN!!!" he fell over.

Twitching, Naruto looked through the fridge and pulled out some cookie dough.

Sasuke fell over a second time after he finally stood up again. He stared at the floor. _Onii-san is watching me... the feeling of his eyes on my body is making me horny..._ he shivered. _What to do about Naruto-kun? This lovey-dovey faking stuff is growing a little out of hand. I mean, I'm even floating through the kitchen twirling around the apron that Itachi bought me like a little girl and her teddy bear. Sasuke, you have to put an end to this!!!_

Glancing around, Naruto placed the cookie dough on a baking tray.

Uchiha Sasuke brushed his black hair out of his face. "Hey, Naruto-kun. Let's go meet Itachi after his extreme skipping. We'll have a picnic. I'll invite everyone!"

Nodding, Naruto stuck the pan into the oven and turned it on. He watched Sasuke send people messages.

"Oops... I invited Sakura-chan..." Sasuke slammed his face on the desk, "She's going to be all goo-goo over Itachi!"

The younger boy had no response.

Sasuke took Naruto in his arms and stole a kiss from his lips. _Be romantic, Sasuke..._ he grabbed Naruto's ass. "I'm so in--" _bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep._ "love with you!" he lied, slipping his tounge into Naruto's mouth. He kept Naruto's mouth busy as he--_bleep, bleep_-- slipped a hand up his shirt.

Putting his hand at the top of Sasuke's pants, Naruto poked a finger down Sasuke's pants.

_Bleep._ Growing out, Sasuke turned to his computer.

_regretzLyfe : I'M STILL WATCHING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_regretzLyfe : I'M STILL WATCHING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_regretzLyfe : I'M STILL WATCHING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_regretzLyfe : I'M STILL WATCHING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_regretzLyfe : I'M STILL WATCHING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

And so on...

Ignoring it, Sasuke went back to pleasing his so called lover. Minutes had passed.

_BLEEP!!!!!I _Sasuke turned. "WHAT NOW ITACHI?!??!!?!??!"

"Sasuke, the cookies are done." Naruto said. He grabbed an oven mitt and opened the oven. A wave of the scent passed Sasuke, knocking him over. "I baked them too long! They're a little burnt, Sasuke-kun!" he grew teary eyed.

"Don't cry, baby." Sasuke held out a rose to him. "Anything you make I'll love. Especially our children."

"Children...?"

Sasuke spun around with Naruto in his arms. "Let's make sandwiches, salad, punch, whatever! Oh, and we'll go buy things..."

Chewing on a spatula, Naruto slightly cocked his head. _Sasuke seems so fake today... I wonder what he ate this morning. Itachi must've drugged him!_

"NARUTO-KUN!!!" a hair dryer flung at him.

Falling over, Naruto rubbed the back of his head. "Okay, last chapter the tuna was random. This chapter it's a hair dryer! What next?" he ate a cookie. "A rubber chicken?"

As Naruto had predicted, Sasuke smacked his ass with a rubber chicken. Then, he walked into the next paragraph_. Naruto : Wtf????_

"Damn, you sure are psychic. Naruto, guess what I'm going to do next?" Sasuke murmured as he set the rubber chicken on the counter. He silently waited for any reply possible. "Let's just go back to the story..."

_Author : wtf...?_

_Fangirl : KAWAII!!!!!!_

_Author : Anywayzz..._

xxxxx

Naruto walked outside with Sasuke. They made their way down the street. At Gaara's house, there was a large sign that read _GAARA THE THERAPIST!_ a line of fangirls was waiting to see Gaara. Sasuke grinned. "I started the trend." they heard a high pitched scream. Most would have thought it was a fangirls squeal, but to Sasuke and Naruto, it seemed bloodcurdling. "Therapy didn't help him... he's just killing all his costumers... they must be obsessed..."

When they reached the park, Sasuke grabbed a pair of binoculars. he looked through them and adjusted the lens. He could see Itachi's eyes very clearly. As if Itachi was standing directly in front of him.

The binoculars were knocked out of his hands. Itachi as standing directly in front of him. He was wearing a frilly pink dress. "Loser had to wear this... so don't ask."

"Since when does Itachi lose?" Naruto muttered.

"I tripped on some random pink hair dryer that fell from the sky."

Sasuke began to whistle as Naruto nudged him.

Smiling, Itachi twirled around. "I feel so pretty!" he removed the ribbon in his hair and flipped it around. It whacked Sasuke across the face.

_What's wrong with Itachi and Sasuke?_ Naruto blankly stared at the Uchiha brothers. He walked to a picnic table and began to set out the food on it. He watched them argue about slapping Sasuke in the face with his silky hair.

Sasuke turned away from Itachi. "I wonder how that hair dryer got so much distance... I know that I tossed it out the window, but it shouldn't have gotten that far." he scratched his head. "By the way, that is _your_ hair dryer."

Picking up the pink device, Itachi was dumbfounded. "I wonder why it looked so familiar."

Evilly laughing, Sasuke ran to the picnic table. He crashed into Hinata who fell on Naruto who fell on Ino who fell on Kisame who fell on Deidara who fell on Sasori who fell on Kiba who fell on Kakashi who fell on Temari who fell on Gai who fell on Rock who fell on Tsunade... la la la la la... who fell on TenTen who fell on Sakura who fell on Itachi who fell on Sasuke. Sakura hugged Itachi to the death.

"ITACHI-SAMA! BE MY LOVE!" she screamed like a fangirl.

Letting out a high pitch scream, Itachi ran into the distance. He didn't come back until fifteen minutes later.

"HEAR ME RAWR!" Kisame stuffed cookies into his mouth.

Gasping, Itachi pointed at Orochimaru and yelled out. "RAPIST!!!!" he squealed in fear like a little girl and ran away for another fifteen minute period. When he came back, he saw Orochimaru. "RAPIST!!!!" he ran away for another fifteen minutes once again. Itachi ran back from the other side of the park and crashed into Sakura. "FANGIRL!!!" he ran back and crashed into Orochimaru. "RAPIST!!!!" he ran back to Sakura. The whole thing went on for about another thirty minutes. Sasuke stopped him.

"JIERDA!!!" Itachi fell over from a blast of light. (note : _Jierda_ comes from the Inheritance Trilogy. AKA Eragon... Lol...) Sasuke wiped off his hands and grinned at his brother. "Let's have lunch, Onii-san!"

Nodding, Itachi sat as far away from Orochimaru and Sakura. He noticed that Kisame ate all the cookies.

xxxxx

After they ate and everyone left, Naruto turned to Sasuke. They were finished cleaning, he gave Sasuke the basked and smiled at him.

"Sasuke, I have to get home. It's getting late." he bowed.

Pulling him up, Sasuke planted a kiss on his cheek. "C'ya tomorrow, Naruto-kun." he hugged Naruto goodbye.

Itachi turned to Sasuke after Naruto left. "That was a little interesting today..." he turned to face the sunset. "I noticed that you were being fake towards Naruto. Every action that you made was forced out."

Glancing over at his brother, Sasuke shrugged.

"You know," Itachi got close to Sasuke. He whispered into his brother's ear. "Naruto-kun's the first intruder in our life. The first to get between us."

A kiss was placed on Sasuke's ear.

* * *

That was hella random... and I'm proud. xD

It's not over yet...


	5. Strawberries and Cream

Disclaimer : I don't own Naruto or any of its contents. All I happen to own is this story and the ideas.

Author's Note : Sorry that I didn't update for so long. ... I was sort of busy and I lost the notebook with this story in it. xD, However, the notebook ended up in my school binder. Yeah, I know, I'm a noob. This chapter is pretty random. But as you can see, out of the randomness of all my chapters, there's actually a point! If you haven't realized that, then D:!!!!!!!!!!!... heheh in part of this story, I wrote it while listening to "Do You Know by Quietdrive"... I just like that song... well, enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Five : Strawberries and Cream**

Naruto knocked on the Uchiha brother's front door. He stared atr the Uchiha fan that was on the door as he impatiently waited for either of them to open the door. The fan read _Itachi is sooo sexy that he's sexy. Yeah, I know. State the obvious, EH?!_ He yawned, Sasuke finally creaked open the door. He flung it open, accidentally smacking Itachi in the face. Smiling, Sasuke opened his arms to the blonde, it had been a couple days since they had last seen eachother.

"Ohayo, Naruto-kun!" he hugged his boyfriend.

Grinning up at him, Naruto said. "Sorry I didn't visit you for the past few days. Kakashi-sensei forced me to study to bring up my grades..."

"Grades...?"

"Ramen cooking class!!!!" he exclaimed.

"Ramen cooking?" Sasuke questioned, giving him a puzzled stare. "Can't you already..." he didn't finish his question.

Naruto scratched his head, "It's a first class ramen class... the ramen has to be beyond perfect and I've been failing. Kakashi said that we shouldn't fail at anything as ninjas and gave me some random cooking lessons. Well, it is his fault that he made me take them... he knows I don't like to cook..." he walked inside and sat down on a couch.

"Hello, Naruto-kun." Itachi flatly greeted.

Ignoring him, Naruto let Sasuke crawl on top of him. Sasuke stole a long, juicy kiss from his soft lips. He looked up at his older brother. Itachi was looking away from them. _Onii-san's jealous again. I feel guilty... but for what?_ He accidentally bit Naruto's lip, causing it to bleed.

"HOLY SHI-- OWWWWWWWWW!!!!" Naruto fell of the couch. "Sasuke, what the hell were you thinking?"

"Usuratonkachi, don't lean to close to me." he said. Itachi on his mind made him tense, which made him clench his teeth. He wiped the blood off his mouth as Itachi turned to face them.

"Is everything okay?" he questioned, setting out sandwiches on a table. "I made you guys some lunch..."

Naruto sighed. "I'm fine."

Picking up a sandwich, Sasuke felt sick. "What is this? There's seaweed. crab, shrimp, fish, fish eggs... why didn't you just make sushi instead? Are you trying to kill us?" He took a bite out of it, forcing it down. Naruto simply started to poke it.

Staring at Sasuke, Itachi got close to him. "Have a problem?"

"No."

Facing the table, Naruto blurted. "Why do you always get so close to Sasuke?"

Itachi sighed. "He _is_ my little brother."

"Cute." Naruto ate the sandwich.

xxxxx

Side story :

Gaara walked to a girl. "My, my you're so beautiful."

"THANK YOU, GAARA!" she squealed, hearts beating in her eyes.

"You're my true love." Gaara muttered.

"SQUEE!!!!" she yelled.

Gaara unexpectedly pulled out a knife and slayed her. A loud scream of death, everyone outside thought it was a scream of love. They all did their fangirl high pitch screams.

"MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Gaara ran out of his house continuing to laugh maniacally.

xxxxx

Itachi walked back downstairs after a nap, he saw Naruto and Sasuke sleeping together on the couch. He sighed and turned on the TV. Sasuke woke up and eyed Itachi who stared back at him. Sasuke wasn't frozen under the strange spell.

"Hey, you aren't freezing anymore!" Itachi smiled.

Sasuke was wide-eyed. "H-how'd you..."

"You turned into ice. I guess you stopped since you admitted your feelings towards me. Now that I know it, there's no need to get embarrassed anymore." Itachi combed his silky hair with his fingers.

Heavily sighing, Sasuke forgot Naruto was on him. He sat up, causing the blonde to crash onto the bamboo mat. Naruto's blue eyes flew open as he stood up and started yelling at Sasuke. "THAT WAS SO NOT ROMANTIC SASUKE-TEME!" he ran around in circles, clouds of dust from his feet and puffs of steam coming from his head. A vein bulged in his forhead.

"Well, I'm sorry that I forgot you were on me! It ain't my fault that you're the one on top! Next time be on the bottom." Sasuke exclaimed.

Itachi laughed to himself.

Turning to face him, Naruto pointed a finger at him. His mouth fell open but nothing came out. He opened his mouth a second time, Itachi blinked and showed him the Sharingan. Naruto squealed in fear and ran into a wall.

Walking into a closet, Itachi shut the door. Sasuke and Naruto waited quietly for whatever was to come next. A few minutes passed, Itachi finally said something.

"I'M COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET!" he yelled out. _Boom._

Sasuke hit his head on a wall.

"THIS TIME I WILL!" _Boom_. another crash. He tried again._ Boom._ The process repeated quite a few times. Itachi forgot that there was no doorknob inside the closet.

Finally, Itachi was going to get out. "I'm coming!!!" Sasuke flung the door open. Itachi ran out. He fell through the open windows into the bushes. He held up a finger. "At least I came out of the closet."

Naruto turned away. "I fell sorry for you."

Slightly laughing, Sasuke shook his head. "It's okay, I'm used to it." he walked to the window. "I don't get how the anime/manga Naruto makes Itachi have such a different personality. He had such a difficult time adjusting. An they even said that he killed the clan to get into the Akatsuki. The real reason is that he was simply drunk and had a katana with him. Therefore resulting in the fact that the clan died. He thought I was sexy, though, so he didn't kill me."

Processing the information, Naruto made a slight nod. He made his way to the kitchen. "Exactly how much alcohol did Itachi-sama drink that day... and how much did he drink today.. it must've been a lot to cause him to do _that_." he opened the fridge. It was cleaned out. Closing it, Naruto noticed Sasuke's shrug in response.

xxxxx

Itachi walked about the yard with Naruto and Sasuke feeding each other strawberries. He hid in the bushes.

"He's playing detective." Sasuke muttered. "I think--"

"ITACHI!!!!" Screamed a voice in the distance. Kisame jumped over the fence into the yard. He began to shake Itachi. "OROCHIMARU IS LOOKING FOR YOUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"HOLY SHI-- RAPIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Itachi scrambled away.

Orochimaru broke through the fence. (slow motion) Pieces of wood flew everywhere as he flipped his long, black hair. (normal speed) "I'LL GET YOU THIS TIME, ITACHI!" he pointed a gun towards the Uchiha. The trigger was pulled.

Sasuke gasped. Naruto covered his own eyes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Sasuke screamed. Naruto started a stopwatch.

A red beam struck Itachi in the face. He looked up. Grinning evilly, he slapped Kisame.

"How could you?" growled the younger Uchiha. His brother ran around laughing maniacally.

"Evil again...?" Naruto stared at the stop watch. Itachi fell over sleeping. "That lasted two minutes, five seconds, and seventy-two miliseconds. That didn't even look like he was evil!"

Orochimaru fell to his knees. "MY PLAN FAILED! ITACHI UCHIHA, I WILL RAPE YOU SOMEDAY." (slow motion) He flipped his hair again and flicked his tounge. Then, he crashed through the other side of the fence, debress flying everywhere. He jumped into the air. (normal speed)

"I knew he was a rapist!" Itachi suddenly woke up. "See, I'm not totally insane!"

"So, you're saying that you're somewhat insane?" Naruto questioned, recording the time in a journal. It read, _Itachi Evil Times _on the cover. His evil time decreased every time he was shot. Eventually, it would stop taking an effect on him.

Nodding Itachi stroked his chin. "Possibly. You got a problem with that, Naruto-kun?"

"No, Senpai."

"... Senpai...?"

xxxxx

Sasuke walked to Naruto who was sitting on his bed. Naruto was emailing and commenting people on NinjaSpace (I was on Myspace at this time... stfu.) which was created by Rock Lee. (Don't ask about that either.) No one exactly knew why he created it, probably out of boredom.

"Naruto-kun..." Sasuke murmured." I thi-think--" there was a lump in his throat._ I really think we should start seeing other people... Maybe you should rethink about this again, Sasuke. Naruto loves you, and you love him back!_

"What"

"Oh, nevermind." Sasuke sat at the bed with him. How was he going to leave Naruto?

_'Flashback :_

_Itachi stroked Sasuke's arm. "Little brother, you don't seem very happy with Naruto-kun. Maybe if you left him, you'd feel better. I mean, it isn't good to keep things bottled up. If you keep holding it in, you'll explode. I don't want to see you hurting yourself just because you're giving him a pity. I would never want to see you do that."_

_Sasuke stared up at him. "Onii-san... I'm not sure..."_

_"Consider my idea."_

_"Okay, brother. I will. And I won't change my mind."'_

"N-Naruto..." Sasuke got off the bed. "I'm kind of busy. You should get going."

He nodded. "I'll call you later, Sasuke. I'm busy, too, I need to practice ramen cooking." He stood up and left. Itachi wandered in as he left.

The front door opened and shut. Itachi shoved Sasuke onto the bed. "Do you know how I feel when you change your mind?" Sasuke shook his head in response. "It makes me want you more, Little Brother. Leave Naruto, or I'll..." he undid his brother's pants and felt up his shirt.

Sasuke gasped. "I-Itachi!"

"Give yourself to me, Sasuke-kun." He sucked his neck. "You're the strawberry for my cream..."

* * *

Yes, I couldn't think of a reason for the title of the chapter, so there you go, all dat popped up into meh mind. xD... well... I hope you enjoyed that chapter, although it wasn't as good as the last...

Next chapter... -grabs a microphone- Sasuke will build up the courage!!!! Itachi will... uh... And Naruto will... I dunno. BUT FOR GAARA!!!! He's gonna do his usual thing. ;D... I wonder what I should make Orochimaru do...

Itachi : DON'T MAKE HIM RAPE ME! -hides and sobs-

Orochimaru : NO, MAKE ME RAPE HIM!!! -grabs Itachi-

Author : Eww... bad pairing...

Fangirl : NOO SHE'S GONNA MAKE OROCHIMARU RAPE ITACHI!!! -sob-

Author : ... maybe, maybe not. You'll see.


	6. Under the Crimson Moon

Disclaimer : I own no part of Naruto whatsoever. I own this story and that's it.

A/N : There were several reasons as to why I could not think up anything. One, I sat in an emo corner for two hours poking a stuffed bear. (I am not making fun of the emos. It was literally an emotional corner. The light kept comin' and goin'.) Two, I was writing my Maple Story fanfic. And three, I forgot the third one. BUT FOURRRRR I lost my notebook with that story in it once again!

Well, here's the sixth chapter. Enjoy. :D... I think this is the strangest chapter I've ever written... it's pretty short, too. This chapter just wrote itself, apparently.

* * *

**Chapter Six : Under the Crimson Moon**Itachi stared helplessly up at the sky from his porch. He clenched a fist. He grabbed a small eye drop thing for fake tears and made some fake tears in his eyes. Itachi stood up at the railing and took a deep breath. Five minutes later, he exhaled. _I think I swallowed a bug..._ Raising his fist, Itachi screamed out to the heavens. "WHY MUST SASUKE STILL LOVE NARUTO?!" 

"SHUT UP PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!" Yelled a voice from one of his fellow neighbors.

Sighing, the extremely elite ninja lost balance and fell backwards off the porch and landed in the bushes. He was so elite that he jumped up and began to yell out in pain. He back-flipped out of the bushes into another set of bushes. Then, Itachi hid behind the bushes and looked around, making sure that no one, hopefully, was watching him. But he was wrong. Within the shadows, stood a figure. A figure so vile and feminine... it was the one and only...

Orochimaru! The snake dude wandered out of the shadows to Itachi. (Slow motion) He flipped his hair and walked in a seductive way towards Itachi. (Normal speed) He traced a finger around Itachi's delicate lips.

"I-it's t-the ra..." he trailed off. "RAPIST!!!"

Knocking Itachi down, Orochimaru climbed on top of him. "Let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me!"

xxxxx

Sasuke stared up at the moon. It was the colour of blood... crimson. It sent shivers down his back, just the thought of blood reminded him of that night. When Itachi was introduced to drugs and destroyed the Uchiha Clan. Naruto sat at his side, leaning against the ninja. Slightly, Sasuke nudged Naruto away. The blonde sat up and turned to him. He saw liquid glistening on the boy's cheeks.

"A-are you crying, Sasuke?!" Naruto exclaimed. He placed a hand on the older boy's pale one.

Mumbling something, Sasuke looked at Naruto. His lips curved into a semi-smile. A smile of sadness. "I can't go through with this anymore. I can't live with myself, Naruto-kun."

Naruto leaned closer to Sasuke. "What do you mean, Sasuke? What does _I can't live with myself_ mean?"

"For the past few months, I've been faking my love for you." Sasuke turned away, not willing to see Naruto's gaping expression. "I didn't want to see you sad. But not to long ago, I realized how fake your happiness was. You were happy for a something that wasn't even true, and if you had known the truth, you wouldn't be happy. It would be better if you did know the truth, the truth will always be better than a lie. I'm so sorry Naruto." his lips brushed against Naruto's for a brief moment, then he pulled away.

"So..." Naruto trailed off. His voice quivered as he began to continue his sentence. "You're breaking up with me...?"

"A... apparently... I am."

"I-I knew it." Naruto stammered. "Y-you were in love with Itachi... Sasuke, your happiness is mine." He lied. "Go... be with Itachi."

At this point, tears were endlessly flowing down Sasuke's cheeks. Naruto brushed them off with the back of his hand. "I'm glad you understand, Usuratonkachi... we can be friends for now, it never really worked out between us anyways..." he stood up and left, not daring to look back at Naruto.

As he left, Naruto sat in the grass alone, gazing up at the crimson sky. "Friends... just friends..."

xxxxx

As Sasuke made his way back to his neighborhood, he finally glanced behind him. Naruto was not following him. What he had put Naruto through... was probably the worst thing that most could ever do in their whole life time. Maybe not worse than Itachi's destruction of the Uchiha Clan... but...

A scream in the distance.

Sasuke quickened his pace, for that voice had sounded like Itachi's. It was one of the many screams that Itachi used when Orochimaru was around. Sasuke paused to think. _Wait... an Orochimaru is here scream... I'M COMING FOR YOU, ONII-SAN!_ He leaped up into a great tree and swiftly slid through the branches of other trees until he had reached his front yard. There was Itachi, locked to the ground by Orochimaru's strong hands.

"NOOO!!!" the word slipped out of Sasuke's mouth, when he was planning to sneak attack on Orochimaru. Anyways, he jumped from the tree and attacked Orochimaru. When he landed on Orochimaru, it pushed him down. Therefore resulting in Orochimaru's lips smacking against Itachi's.

Itachi's eyes glowed hot pink with fury. (Yes hot pink, I don't know why... red is just over-used.) Laser beams shot out of them, knocking Orochimaru far, far away. He vanished into the distance. Sasuke fell backwards, trembling in fear of his brother's pink eyes.

"Onii-san, your eyes are pink."

"Oh, sorry." Itachi switched them to purple with fury. "How about this?"

"You can just get rid of the whole blah with fury thing." He responded. Itachi nodded as his eyes went back to normal.

Smiling, Itachi hugged Sasuke. "Thank you for that. I thought that I was going to get raped!" he ran into a corner and began to cry. "I was so scared..."

"Don't cry Onii-san..." Sasuke muttered, hugging his brother. "Orochimaru was sent far, far away. He won't be back for a while..."

"Who says I won't be back for a while?" asked a voice.

Spinning around, Sasuke and Itachi saw a figure in the shadows. He stepped out and wandered towards them. (Slow motion) He flipped his hair and walked in a seductive way towards the brothers. (Normal speed) He made it so that there was no where to escape to. "Wow, two of you now. That means more fun and more sex. How about we have a 3-some, eh?" he bent down so that his eyes met Sasuke's. "It'll be fun..."

"PERVERTED WHATEVER-YOU-ARE!" Sasuke screamed. His fist slammed against Orochimaru's chin. Orochimaru was sent flying into the distance again. He brushed his hands together, as if there was dirt of them and grinned at Itachi. "If he comes back, I'll have the chicken launcher ready."

They began to laugh and walked into their house. Sasuke locked every door and window, just in case Orochimaru would come.

xxxxx

"It's not right to pee while someone is taking a shower." Itachi said as he stepped out of the shower the next morning, Sasuke covered his eyes at his brother's naked body. He covered them, despite the fact that he actually liked seeing Itachi naked. Giving up, Sasuke sighed as he pulled up his pants.

"When you gotta go, you gotta go." He replied, using the usual excuse.

Letting out a slight chuckle, Itachi dried off and slipped on a pair of boxers that read _Sexy Back_ on the back. He picked up his pink hair dryer, "Well, it's your turn to make breakfast, Little Brother. You better go get started. By the time I'm done making my hair all soft and silky, you should be done." Switching it on, he flicked Sasuke's forehead and sent him flying out of the bathroom into a wall. "Shoo!"

Yawning, Sasuke scratched his head as he walked down the stairs. Naruto and him had been together for a couple of years and now it ended. How was he going to tell Itachi?

**_Scenario one :_**

_"Onii-san!" Sasuke poured him a bowl of soup. "I left Naruto-kun last night."_

_"W-what?" Itachi stammered. He took Sasuke's face in his hands and brought it close to his own. "Now I can make you all mine."_

Sasuke sighed.

**_Scenario two :_**

_As Itachi pulled Sasuke close to him, Sasuke muttered out a few words. "Onii-san..."_

_"Yes, my beloved brother?"_

_"I... I left Naruto."_

**_Scenario three :_**

_Sasuke ripped off his clothes. "FUCK ME IT--" (I was about to make THIS the scenario... eh... I unno.)_

"No." Sasuke slammed his head on the kitchen counter. "I'll just take life as it comes." he milk into a pot and turned on the stove.

When Itachi came over, Sasuke poured him a bowl of what he made. Itachi poked the stuff in it curiously. ("stuff" is such a descriptive word :D) He glanced up as his little brother as Sasuke happily devoured his bowl. "Er... what the hell is this, Sasuke?"

"Boiled milk!" Sasuke grinned.

"Boiled milk...?" Itachi stared at it blankly. "You made... boiled milk? (ahahah!!!!)

The younger Uchiha's eyes began to grow glassy with tears. "Y-you don't like milk?!" He threw the bowl at Itachi, drenching him in warm milk. "I'm so hurt!"

"N-no, Sasuke!" Itachi screamed. "I-I love milk!" he scoffed down the milk, almost chocking on it. His tears also began to grow glossy, but out of pain. "Yum yum!"

"Yay!" Sasuke grinned.

"Well, I'm going to go take another bath."

"Oh."

xxxxx

That night, Sasuke wandered to Itachi. They were alone in their garden with no Orochimaru. He quietly sat at the bench.

"G'evening, Little Brother." Itachi stroked his little brother's arm.

"Onii-san..." Sasuke stared up, the moon was still crimson. "I-I left N-Naruto last night... my love for him _was_ fake. I couldn't live with myself anymore, so I just decided to leave him. Something inside me told me that it was the best thing to do."

"Let's go in... I'll boil some milk."

* * *

People keep telling me that they like my humor... someone tell me what humor? O.o... it's not coming to me.

Yeah... I typed all that from what popped into my head in like 2 hours.. One word. S.K.I.L.L (skill for those that do not know)... ahahahha... boiled milk... I'ma go do that nao... Review please:D


	7. He was THAT bad

Disclaimer : Yeah, I don't own Naruto, like everyone else on this site. Unless...

A/N : Sorry I didn't update in a while. I swear, I had everything for this chapter planned out. But, I was kinda into writing random fics at the moment. Well, here's what came into mind.

Warning : there is swearing... and thus why I rated this story T besides the crazy adult themes that were altered by my random imagination. At the beginning, there is NaruSaku but only because Sakura is drunk and Naruto is... you'll see. Complicated words make me feel scientific, sorry. This chapter was based mainly around Naruto... Sasuke and Itachi are gettin' busy... MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH ok.

(If you really want to skip the inappropriate first part, skip down to the "xxxxx" part... but I swear.. I will change your perspective on sex AND Naruto put together!!!!)

* * *

**Chapter Seven : He Was THAT Bad**

Rushing into the Konoha Bar, Naruto Uzumaki crashed into a girl with flamingo pink hair. She scrambled away, into some random drunken old fat, greasy man. Pointing a finger at him, the bewildered girl, otherwise known as Sakura, pointed a finger at him. She began to gape.

"N-Naruto! You aren't Itachi! Where the fxck is Itachi!?" she slurred, obviously drunk. She swayed around and fell on a couch.

He ran in circles. "He stole Sasuke from me! I think that I want to..."

"You think that you want to what, baby?" Sakura stumbled over to him. She began grinding in front of him. "Wanna have sex?!" the drunk ninja ran over to the old man and began to grind behind him.

"Um... Sakura how did you know that?!" Naruto exclaimed. He grabbed her arm and pulled her into the men's bathroom and kicked her onto one of those men's toilets.

"Ooooo!! Kinky Naruto-kun!!! I never knew you were like that. My view of you is like soooo changed now!" She laughed out. (Yeah, you know those men's toilets these days... so kinky.)

"Yeah!" Naruto got on her, not knowing how to be the dominant one when having sex. (All do to Sasuke being the one on top the whole time.) He seemed confused. "Er... what do I do now? I've never really been the one to... you know..." he honestly didn't know she was drunk... so what happened in the next paragraph just happened... funny thing is.. he's not drunk.

Sakura switched positions with him. "Oh my, Naruto! I never knew you were like this too! Oh my god you're so sexy now... Just let me do all the fxcking, babe!" (Oh yeah, the girls dominant in this one folks. What craziness can happen next?!)

"Ah, where's your pxnis?!" Naruto exclaimed as she undressed. He, obviously, was dumb enough to think that everyone had the hardening member that only men had. That just all came from the fact that he was with Sasuke for those years. "There's like--what the hell--there's like a hole there! And it's all... blah blah blah blah." Yeah, you don't want to know what he was saying.

She had a large grin on her face. "You'll see baby! You'll feel what sex is like when it's a girl!!!"

xxxxx

Naruto woke up to the sound of someone moaning. His blue eyes flew open, too see Sakura completely naked on top of him. He screamed, shoved her away, and pulled up his pants.

"S-Sakura-chan! What did we do last night!?" he glanced around the bathroom, and noticed he was on the men's toilet. "EWWWW!!! I WAS ON A TOILET?! OH MY GOD I NEED A BATH!!!"

She opened her eyes. "Oh gawd, I don't remember last night... Naruto... why am I--WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?!" she struggled into her pink dress which was covered in... yeah. "Oh my god! You didn't even use a condom! I'm going to get pregnant! I hate you, Naruto! You should have remembered to bring a condom before we did that! Remember, safety first!" Sakura sighed. "Wait... how did you...? I never knew you were smart enough to..."

"You were the one that was dominant, Sakura."

"B-but, I thought you were gay!"

"Er... Sasuke turned me straight..."

"Yeah, that's why I went for Itachi. Sasuke was THAT BAD." Sakura began to laugh. "Even though I lost my virginity to you, I'll always be clean in Itachi's eyes!"

"Y-you were a virgin?!" he screamed. "You did it like you knew exactly what you were doing! You seemed like a sex queen!"

She stared at him. "Well, I don't remember those other nights I got drunk."

Naruto stood up, he saw Ino walk into the men's bathroom. She stared at them, wide-eyed. "S-Sakura? Why are you in here with Naruto? Wait did you guys... I thought that Naruto was a little gay fag that was gay and didn't like girls even one bit in a relationship wise way."

Leaning against the wall, Naruto sighed. "Ino-san, Sasuke turned me straight. I mean, I don't think I can go on with guys after that!"

"You're saying Sasuke was THAT bad?!" she sat in the emo corner of the bathroom. (Dude... I don't even know why there's an emo corner in the bathroom. And no, I'm not making fun of the emos. It's an emotional corner where the light doesn't go.) Tears began to drip down her face. "I-I think I'm going to give up on guys now, too! Sasuke's all that I've ever wanted. And Itachi is like way to ugly with those things on his face!"

"I-ITACHI IS NOT UGLY!" Sakura screamed at her. "Those are his Sakura Lines. Those lines show that he's mine and only mine!"

"Y-you're going lesbian because of Sasuke, Ino?" Naruto stammered. "O-oh my! Sasuke was that bad that he turned a girl that wasn't even with him lesbian! What if he turns Itachi straight! No! He can't do that to another person! That's horrible!"

"NO!" Sakura broke in. "Itachi should be straight! He needs to be with me!"

"Sasuke was still that bad though..."

xxxxx

_Meanwhile..._

Sasuke sipped his boiled milk. "Onii-san, this milk is giving me a message!" he exclaimed. "Oh my gawsh! It's telling me that I'm a very bad lover! But I'm only good with you, Onii-san!"

Itachi laughed. "Beautiful! We must be perfect!" he held up the mirror, drawing those lines on his face with eyeliner. "Gawd, the right line on my face is all messed up!" (Yes, I got this from a comic... and um yeah sure that's the truth behind Itachi's lines! THE TRUTH IS REVEALED! But wait, there's more to it!)

The younger Uchiha put his bowl down. "Onii-san, why do you have those lines on your face again?"

"They make me feel more like Father every day! I looked up to him so much! His gay life... it was so amazing..." Itachi danced around, twirling Sasuke with him.

Giggling, Sasuke hugged Itachi. "I love you, Itachi!"

"I love you too, Little Brother!" they began to make out.

The door burst open, Orochimaru ran in, Gaara at his side. "Itachi! Be mine before I have to kill this therapist!"

Jumping over, Itachi posed in a heroic stance. "YOU WILL NEVER KILL THAT THERAPIST!!!"

"No, Itachi! You can't!!!!" Sasuke screamed, but it was too late. Itachi was in the arms of the rapist. "ITACHI!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"No jkjkjk lololol. I heart your fxcking makeup. Oh my god I love your hair. Is that a new tattoo? Did that piercing fxcking hurt? No jkjkjk lololol!" Orochimaru began to sing. "But honestly, I love your fxcking makeup and your hair! Oh my, you're so lovely..."

Itachi's eyes glowed green with fury. (He has multiple fury colours... you never really know when he's not furious.) Laser beams shot out of his eyes and sent Orochimaru flying out. Then, his eyes turned normal.

"Itachi, I thought you said you'd take out the chicken launcher the next time he came." Sasuke muttered.

"Well," Gaara started. "While I'm here, would you two like some therapy?"

Sasuke and Itachi grinned at each other and took out their kinky little toys... mwahhah...

xxxxx

_Later that night..._

(Sakura's point of view.) I traveled into the wild jungle, otherwise known as Itachi's uncared for backyard. There was a flame haired boy and a spiky haired boy next to my lover. I had to save him, what would they do to him? Would they gang bang them? I just needed to jump into action. But, how was I going to do it?

I back flipped into another set of bushes, causing them to look up. Gladly, I was swift enough for them to not notice me. Wait, where were Naruto and Ino?

xxxxx

(Out of Sakura's POV... yeah her POV was only that long, don't worry. I won't confuse you further.)

"I'm surprised that Sakura wasn't smart enough to just use the front door." Ino walked into the open door. Naruto close behind. "Well... she isn't smart..."

They walked to the backyard. Gaara, Sasuke, and the Weasel stared at them. (The Weasel is Itachi's wrestling name, too bad he doesn't wrestle. So from now and on, he will be known as Itachi, as the rest of this story was.)

"Hi Naruto! Hi Ino!" Sasuke grinned. "Where is Sakura?"

Someone jumped out of the bushes, Sakura attacked Gaara and kicked Sasuke. When they were twitching in the corner after several seconds, she ran over to Itachi. "Itachi!!!!"

Itachi stared at her. "What the..."

Walking over, Sasuke glared at Sakura. "HE'S MINE YOU PINK HAIRED PERSON WITH A BIG FORHEAD!" he clung onto Itachi like those chibi drawings that fangirls and fanguys draw...

"When did Sasuke turn chibi?" Sakura asked.

"Why are you guys here anyways?" Itachi questioned.

"We just want Sasuke to know... he is a very bad lover!" Naruto and Ino exclaimed in unison.

Sasuke's jaw dropped open. "The milk was right!"

xxxxx

* * *

Yeah that was really random., like everything else in this story.

There is only one chapter left.. or two. Just, the story's almost over! yeah, I know... NOOOOOOOOO!!!! ahah... D:

I must move on to the SasuNaru story that I'm writing...

The mystery behind Sasuke's chibiness will never be revealed!!! MWAHAHAHHAHA!!! -the author runs away-

Sasuke : Wait, come back! How will the rest of our life be written!

Itachi : Yeah! We need to know what will happen next in our lives!!!! COME BACK HERE BLOODY ITACHI X3!!!! Oh my god... her name has Itachi in it! I feel so loved... wait... I'm not bloody... or I'm not three of me... or is x3 that one anime face that's like X3... or :3...

Sasuke : -walks away, leaving Itachi with those unanswered questions.-


	8. Retakes?

Disclaimer : I say what I say here in the last chaps.

A/N : I'm having a really major I can't be random writers block. Please forgive me. This chapter is random enough though. It's just "retakes" of the chapters though. See, I'm having writer's block of iron cheese. Let's be sexy buddies.

Sorry about any typos or messed up edits.

I'm sorry it isn't as funny.

* * *

**Chapter Eight : Retakes?**

**Chapter one retakes- (note I Really hated chapters one and two.)**

The doors shut. He had left once again. Uchiha Itachi stared out the window of his house. Sasuke was headed for Naruto's place, which he did eveyrday. Itachi turned and punched a hole into his wall, he had to pee. The pee began to fill the hole in the wall.

Itachi : I really had to go...

Me : PERFECTO! -thumbs up-

Sasuke : Um...

Kakashi: Take two.

"Onii-san! Wake up!" said a voice. Itachi opened his eyes. Sasuke was poking his boner.

Itachi : Oh god... FOLLOW THE SCRIPT!

---

Uchiha Itachi looked to his side. He was a pink haired girl and a blonde... Naruto! They were coming this way. He stared down at the grass and began to twitch.

"Sasuke!" Naruto exclaimed, he ran up to his lover and hugged him. He looked at Itachi. "Hi there, Itachi!" All Itachi gave him in response was an icy glare. Naruto was the thing he wated least to see. His day was ruined, once again. And once again by the same exact person.

"Naruto." Sasuke kissed his cheek.

Looking away, Itachi blurted out. "OH DANG YOU GUYS MAKE ME SICK! STOP KISSING AND WE CAN GO FUCK IN THE BACKSEAT! FUCK ME IN THE BACKSEATT!!!!"

Itachi : DAMN RIGHT!

Naruto : -sobbing into Sasuke's arms.-

Me : Take five :D

---

**Chapter two retakes:D**

It's none of your business, Little Brother." He filled the pot with more wtater.

Getting oop, Sasuke stared at Itachi. His heart began to beet kwiklehs. _When did Itachi get so sexy?_ He took a towel to wipe off da hoot water. His older brother stared into his eyes again. Sasuke was prozen once more.

"Go get any begetablehs you want from the fridge," He looked back to the pot, breaking the spell.

Sasuke went to the water to dry it off, he silently began to hump the floor.

Itachi : Okay, you made one.. two... three.. eight typos. And Sasuke, GET OFF THE FLOOR!

Me : Take seven. D:

Fangirl : Dang sexy...

---

Sasuke finally realized Itachi was in love with him. "I love Naruto... Itachi, I'm sorry." His heart skipped. Naruto or Itachi? The thought stabbed him like a knife. Here was his-- Wait, there are no retakes in this scene.

---

Sasuke ran out of the house, "I should go see a therapist." He ran off to a large house surrounded by sand. "Hm... GAARA!!" the ninja ran to the door and began to bang bang bang on it.

Gaara opened the door, he glared at Sasuke. "What now, printer ink?"

"RAPE ME!"

"What the fu-- WHY?!"

Scratching his HeAd, SaSuKe StAmMered. "W-well.. No one will have sex with me anymore... and therapist.. the rapist... yeah."

Gaara : Give Sasuke his script, please.

Me : -bitch slap Sasuke- DAMN YOU! THAT WAS A SECRET! NO ONE SHOULD KNOW THERAPIST IS WHAT YOU SAID IT WAS!!!

iluvItachi93 : Um.. soo... retake?

---

**Chapter three retakes.**

Naruto barged in wearing a superman outfit. Sasuke pressed play and began to um.. beat box? Whatever it's called.

_"I can love you lyek no one can. _

_I can be your superman._

_Just take my hand let's fly away._

_I promise I'll be there every day." (sorry for maybe incorrect lyrics I don't want to check.)_

Itachi started to slap the yogurt off Sasuke. Naruto laser eyed everyone and turned and flew out of the house.

"I'M SUPERMAN!!! TRA LA LA!!!!"

Me : Okay, that was messed up and so unexpected.

---

Gaara nodded, his mind was on the fact of hurting Itachi. "How... do you feel about this?"

"HORNY AS HELL!"

The _therapist_ shoved a picture in his face to calm him down. It was pictures of naked hentai chicks. Itachi screwed his eyes shut, he took no interest in girls... sadly. I'm so sorry fangirls. "Anything to get your mind off Sasuke and Me? Besides Rock Lee?"

Me : Wait... wtf? I don't remember writing this.

Gaara : I WANT IT TO BE THIS WAY!! -attacks me with his ebil sand powers!-

Me : -Sprays him with water.- BAD BOY! SIT!

Gaara : -Slams onto the ground, realizing he has that sexy beast inuyasha necklace...-

---

Sasuke ran around the village with Naruto following him. He was trying to get Naruto off his tail. There was someone in the distance... Itachi! They ran over to his older brother. Sasuke jumped around happily. "Onii-san! How was therap(e)y with Gaara????"

Itachi was wide eyed... and wide mouthed... as in his mouth fell open. He did respond until he began to drool. "That was really interesting. I really came out of the cloest, releasing my feminine side. I should do that more often.. it totally felt like myself. Lyek oh my gosh--"

"Enough." Ssauke smacked his head with a tuna.

"Where'd you get that tuna?"

"Uh... Sasuke spun around to see Naruto fishing in a river. "When'd that river get there..."

Shrugging, Naruto stopped. He bursted out into a sexy Justin Timberlake song.

"_You told me you loved me_

_Why did you leave me, all alone_

_Now you tell me you need me_

_When you call me, on the phone_

_Girl I refuse, you must have me confused_

_With some other guy_

_Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn_

_To cry, cry me a river_

_Cry me a river-er_

_Cry me a river_

_Cry me a river-er, yea yea"_

Me : No. Just no. That is NOT the right justin timberlake song. It should be sexy back.. only Itachi back.. Haha iluvitachi93 remember that Itachi back song we made up in fitness playing "capture the fag?"

Kakashi : Retake!

---

**You know.. chapter four was perfect. :**

**Chapter five retakes.**

Naruto knocked on the Uchiha brother's front door. He stared at the Uchiha fan that was on the door as he impatiently waited either of them to open it. The fan read.. _Itachi is sooo sexy that he's sexy. Yeah, I know. State the obvious, EH?!_ He yawned, Ssauke finally creaked open the door. He flung it open, accidentally smacking Itachi in the face. Smiling, Sasuke opened his arms to the blonde, It had been a couple days since they had last seen each other.

"Ohayo, Naruto-Kun!" he hugged his boyfriend.

Grinning up at him, Naruto said. "Sorry that I didn't visit you for the past few days. Kakashi-sensei forced me to study to bring up my grades..."

"Grades..?"

Author : Okay, I have to pee. Brb. :D

Naruto :- whistling-

-Peeing sound.-

Author : Back. You know.. my boyprhend is out looking for ghosts in teh cemetary with his prhends tonight?

Itachi : Um..?

Author : Okay continue on.

"Ramen cooking class!!!" he exclaimed.

"Ramen cooking?" Sasuke questioned, giving him a puzzled stare. "Can't you already..." he didn't finish his question, yet went on to another subject. "Um, Bloody Itachi x3 your boyfriend is a freak."

"I know.. he's my freak. : Oh well he just called, he's done.. that nerd. At least he didn't go haha!" Bloody Itachi x3 replied. "Retake?"

---

Side story :

Gaara walked to a girl. "My, my you're so beautiful."

"THANK YOU, GAARA!" she squealed, hearts beating in her eyes.

"Yeah... you're my true love... yeah right... i'm in love with Lee..." Gaara muttered.

"SQUEEEEEE!" she yelled. "W-wait? You're gay?!"

Me : -knocks down the camera- NOne of you need to see that. That is private shit there.

---

itachi walked about the yard with Naruto and Sasuke feeding each other strawberries. He hid in the bushes.

"He's playing detective." Sasuke muttered. "I think--"

"ITACHI!!!!" Screamed a voice in the distance. Kisame jumped over the fence into the yard. He began to shake Itachi. "OROCHIMARU IS LOOKING FOR YOUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"HOLY SHI-- RAPIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Itachi scrambled away.

Orochimaru broke through the fence. (slow motion) Pieces of wood flew everywhere as he flipped his long, black hair. (normal speed) "I'LL GET YOU THIS TIME, ITACHI!" he pointed a gun towards the Uchiha. The trigger was pulled.

Sasuke gasped. Naruto covered his own eyes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Sasuke screamed. Naruto started a stopwatch.

A red beam struck Itachi in the face. He looked up. Grinning evilly, he slapped Kisame.

"How could you?" growled the younger Uchiha. His brother ran around laughing maniacally.

"Evil again...?" Naruto stared at the stop watch. Itachi fell over sleeping. "That lasted two minutes, five seconds, and seventy-two miliseconds. That didn't even look like he was evil!"

Orochimaru fell to his knees. "MY PLAN FAILED! ITACHI UCHIHA, I WILL RAPE YOU SOMEDAY." (slow motion) He flipped his hair again and flicked his tounge. Then, he crashed through the other side of the fence, debress flying everywhere. He jumped into the air. (normal speed)

"I knew he was a rapist!" Itachi suddenly woke up. "See, I'm not totally insane!"

"So, you're saying that you're somewhat insane?" Naruto questioned, recording the time in a journal. It read, Itachi Evil Times on the cover. His evil time decreased every time he was shot. Eventually, it would stop taking an effect on him.

Nodding Itachi stroked his chin. "Possibly. You got a problem with that, Naruto-kun?"

"No.. I just want to be evil like you... I mean.. two minutes of evil is hella long!"

"Two minutes?"

"Yeah, you could make quacker oats!"

"You mean quaker oats..."

---

Haha go on youtube and search "happyslip morning meest" it describes my life.. and quacker oats..

Okay I give up I can't be funny right now. My love is being a fucked up noob.

Haha noob.

Let me think up ideas. If you want, I'll be posting a SasuNaru fic someday... it's not humourous though.. D:


	9. Bananas Attackp1

**Disclaimer no Jutsu: **Naruto is not owned by me.. that's creepy my mouse is moving by it's own right now. Haha it stopped at 'format'.

**A/N : **Like oh my god new chapter! It's all getting close to the end. One or two more chapters 'til I want to complete it.. maybe three. Sorry guys. :[ Enjoi what you can now! The writers block of iron cheese is slowly being eaten by ebil little dwarves.

* * *

**Chapter Nine : Bananas Attack (part 1)**

Tiredly, Sasuke gazed up at the ceiling. Naruto gave him the occasional squint several times, which only made him look like he was uncomfortably twitching. _So... Itachi onii-san makes me take a part time job at the local grocery store, thinking he'll get discounts on food he buys, where Naruto apparently works. What could go wrong now?_

Walking over, Naruto placed a big box by Sasuke. "Hey, stack the bananas." he muttered.

"Something wrong, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto gave him a blankish glare. "No. It's just boring to do all this stacking and helping people. Eh, whatever, I get enough money out of it." he walked off, only to be stopped by Sasuke again. The blonde gave him the epic _no! you're leaving me!_ face.

"Usuratonkachi,"

"Well... I haven't even gotten close to getting over you, to be honest. And... I was raped by Sakura about a week ago. I just never told you." he sat down on the floor next to the box of bananas. Sasuke sat on top of him. (Like like they were in bed doing their thing.) The customers around stared wide-eyed, some SasuNaru fangirls squealing their asses off, ItaSasu fangirls screaming angrily, a barrier the author put up between them and the two blocking the way. The Uchiha found himself tempted to kiss Naruto. "Sasuke-teme, I don't know how to even get through life without you. I've been doing stupid things in the past three weeks."

Embracing the blonde, Sasuke sighed. "I-I'm sorry, Naruto-kun. This is what I get for being sexually.. and family confused. Like, Itachi's my brother, and as Gaara said : 'WHAT THE-- No one loves their brother like that unless they're lovers!' I really don't know anymore." Sasuke took Naruto's face in his hands... their lips were inches apart.

"HEY! WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DON'T GET A DISCOUNT?!" a familiar voice high pitch screamed out in the distance.

Both Naruto and Sasuke's usual reaction made them scramble apart and open the box of bananas. Out of the rush, Naruto cut his finger on the box opening blade thingy. Worriedly, Sasuke put his mouth on the wound. There was the source of the voice, Uchiha Itachi, ninja, part of the akatsuki, twenty years old, five-foot-eight, 125.9lbs, former ANBU squad captain, male, black hair tied in a ponytail, killed his clan, loves his little brother like that, being stalked by Itachi fangirls, whatever more you want to stick in. He speechlessly pointed a finger at Naruto, mouth dropping open.

"CUT!" yelled out Bloody Itachi x3. "Get Naruto a band-aid! Make sure it has Hello Kitty on it!"

After the stage crew bandaged Naruto, he grabbed a banana and stood up.

"Sasuke-kun! How could you?!" Itachi screamed. "That's it! You're quitting this job! I don't get discounts--even worse--Naruto-kun works here!"

Naruto shook the banana violently at Itachi. "He's not quitting! I won't let you quit! Besides, Sasuke-teme needs moneys!" he tossed a banana at Itachi. "I'll duel you for Sasuke! The last banana standing wins!" Sasuke swore he could feel the tension between the two, like flames. Their eyes locked.

"All right, but I have to say, _my banana is bigger than yours_!!!" Itachi charged at Naruto. "I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown!"

Every customer in the store stopped to stare, concerned Itachi and Naruto and ItaNaru fangirls watched from the sidelines. Sasuke was someone stuck inside a cage on the island of partially stacked bananas by the box of more bananas to be stacked. It became all Naruto : Clash of Ninja 2 like. Everyone found themselves in a battle field-like place with extra bananas surrounding the caged Sasuke. Itachi and Naruto spoke their battle quotes.

"I'm going to become next Hokage! Believe it!"

"Run, run and cling to life."

"Ready?! GO!" screamed out Sakura, the referee. "Itachi! I know you can do it! I have like all my faith in you! Don't loose! I'll be so sad if you do!!!!" she waved a flag at them.

Naruto gave here a frustrated face. "How the hell am I supposed to win if the referee is Sakura-chan?! She'll say Itachi-hime(um.. Itachi-princess) won even if I did!"

"Don't be chicken, Naruto-kun!" Itachi exclaimed. 'Turning on' his sharingan.

_Don't look in his eyes..._ Naruto cringed a bit. His eyes were drawn to Itachi's beautiful eyes, though. They were like so amazingly gorgeous that everyone gazed into them. _Damn it I'm looking at his eyes! Noooo! _

Nothing happened.

"HAHAHAHHA HE THINKS SOMETHING'S HAPPENING!" Itachi laughed ebilly. Suddenly, Naruto spun around, bitch slapping him across the face. This impact sent Itachi flying into the vegetable section, destroying the stack of carrots that Naruto had worked so hard on. The blonde got all mad and turned red with that chakra that Naruto always uses in a situation when he's like pissed and stuff.

"It's called Kyuubi." Naruto sighed at the author.

"Who said I meant _that_ chakra?" she laughed. "I mean the _other_ one."

Growing wide-eyed, Naruto stared. "W-what?! How many red chakras do I have?!"

Itachi tackled Naruto. He slammed against the wall of dried goods.

Bounding towards Itachi, Naruto swung his 'sharp claws' at him. Itachi's black skinny jeans tore at the thigh. "How dare you destroy those beautifully arranged things?! I worked SO hard on them! Can't you keep your balance or something?! Or even dodge my actions?! You suck as an S-class ninja!" he cried emotionally, tearing-up over his destroyed arrangements. Every single one of those carrots and dried goods was taken care with such gentleness from the young ninja. All of his effort gone to waste... WASTE I TELL YOU!

Gasping at the insult, Itachi shook his finger at Naruto. "Oh no you didn't! I'm a super S class ninja!" he began to laugh maniacally. Every single person in the whole world gasped. Even someone with Itachi's uber training could never become such high ranked! Unless...

The Uchiha slammed his banana onto Naruto's forehead. It exploded into many bits. Rushing over to Sasuke, Itachi bent down to pick up another banana. Naruto smacked is ass with his banana, it bursted onto his pants, stick squashed banana. :P

"Le gaspeth!" Itachi exclaimed. "Okay, you ripped and banana stained my beautiful black pantalones. Sasuke worked so hard to make them! You will pay for this!" he lifted Sasuke's cage and began to run away.

"NO!" Naruto began to shoot at him with a banana launcher.

In slow motion, Itachi dashed towards the exit with every bit of energy he had within him, bananas exploding as they stabbed him. Five seconds later, Itachi fell over in defeat.

"Go on... Sasuke... my love!" Itachi coughed. "If I don't make it, I want you to know... I l-love... you..." he weakly smiled at his younger brother. Nearing tears, Sasuke opened the already unlocked cage and dashed outside of the grocery store. If only Itachi could make it just .000000etc1 more seconds... he could have made it out, he was halfway outside halfway inside.

Gracefully skipping down the parking lot, Sasuke uncoordinatly tripped on some broken .5 mechanical pencil lead on the road. He fell into one of Itachi's buddies--Sasori of the red sand. He was being accompanied by Gaara, his student... Sasori was a professional therapist, he studied under _the_ best in the deserts of red sand...(I guess.) Sasori hugged the younger Uchiha.

"Oh, Sasuke-kun! You seem so troubled!" he dramatically yelled out.

"Sasori-sama, Onii-san is in there with Kisame-sama fighting Naruto-kun, Kakashi-sensei, Tsunade-hime, the ero-sennin(sp?), and whoever else I don't feel like mentioning. And even worse--"

"What could be worse than that!?"

Sasuke's face twisted into some awkward serious look. His voice was silenced. "Sakura-chan is in there."

"WHAT?! NO WAY!" Sasori cried out like some war cry. "I'M _COMING_ ITACHI-SAMA!!!!"

Rolling his eyes, Gaara followed his teacher into the grocery store. War had begun. Turning, Sasuke saw Haku(ok. everyone knows it's Haku but Sasuke's too stupid to realize it is.) walking his way. For a second, the younger Uchiha thought he was a female.

_Holy fuck. She is pretty gawd damned 'HAWT'!_ he gazed dreamily into Haku's eyes as the ninja approached him.

"Um... Sasuke-kun?" Haku tilted his head.

"You're so hot..." Sasuke drooled, Haku putting a bucket under his mouth.

"It's me, Haku."

"W-whoa! You're Haku!" he exclaimed out in total embarrassment. Smiling slightly, Haku nodded. "Whatever, you're still pretty got damned hot."

Smile turning into a blank stare, Haku crossed his arms and pouted. "Have you ever tried to call someone _beautiful_ or _pretty_? It would mean so much more than _hot_._Hot_ technically means something related to sex." he continued his epic lecture about what to call someone. But like your average guy, Sasuke kept thinking about how hot Haku was.

"So, why are you here, anyways?" Sasuke questioned.

"Oh. I've come to join the war." Haku ripped off his kimono, wearing his ninja outfit under it. Quickly tying his hair up in a bun. Zabuza came to his side. "Sasuke, come with us to defend Itachi-sama." Two people in spandex tights appeared, Lee and Gai-sensei, they walked into the grocery store. The three gasped, they were against the spandexio peoples.

Sasuke ripped off his clothes, nothing under but green panda boxers, little chibi pandas eating bamboo against a pale green background. (As seen in Sort of Valuable) "Oops."

"CHARGE!" Zabuza screamed, taking the panda boxered Sasuke in with him.

To be continued... OMIGAH NOOO!

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Hey, I sort of rewrote chapter one. : It's not as serious. 

The next chapter : A sad attempt at an epic battle. :D

**Warning** : Involves the use of grocery store products and the abuse of them too.


	10. Banana Attack PII

**A/N** : I'm tired of this story... makes me feel pathetic. My deepest apologies for the totally unexpected ending, but I really have to end this story it's been so long. I'm sorry for disappointing some readers.

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**Chapter Ten : Bananas Attack (part II)**

At full speed, Sasuke dressed up in his Akatsuki-style medieval knight costume that Itachi lent him... or he had stole from Itachi's closet. Itachi wore an Uchiha style maid costume which was supposed to be Sasuke's but... Drawing a bamboo hat with beautiful jingly bells out of his sheath, Sasuke pointed it at Sakura. Itachi was gasping at who was helping out Naruto. It was none other than...

Orochimaru?

Yes, Naruto knew all about Itachi's greatest fear. If it meant winning Sasuke back, he would attempt anything no matter how life risking. Grabbing a fan, Orochimaru whacked it onto the ground, sending a gust of wind at Itachi, revealing his... panties. The older Uchiha let a female-like scream rip from his lips.

"HENTAI!" He exclaimed, forcing down the fluffy dress. Sasuke coughed. The whole store had seen the censored beauty.

"It's gorgeous!" Sakura squealed.

"It's... small." replied Sai.

"M-mine!" Sasuke lost his temper and charged for Orochimaru, the so called rapist by his brother. He swung down the bamboo hat in anger. Random monkeys and bananas flew everywhere. The plushie monkeys violently charged at Orochimaru. "Monkey revolt no jutsu!"

Seating himself next to Kakashi, Gaara put on his 'therapy glasses'. "So... tell me... how do you feel about this battle? Any... frustration?"

Kakashi only glared at him.

"Oh, Gaara-kun! I am so proud of you!" Sasori waved, slipping on a banana peel.

"S-Sasori-sensei!"

"Gaara!!"

"Rawr!" Kisame caught Sasori in his arms.

Walking over to the monkey insane Sasuke, Haku held up his infamous... panda boxers. "Um... next time you change in a rush can you please get your clothes away from my _face?!_" a pink hairdryer flew into the window and snatched away the boxers from his hand.

Turning to glare at Itachi, Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I will... kill that hair dryer." his icy voice pierced the evening. No effect. Itachi remained shaking in his fear of Orochimaru. It was deeply rooted in, unable to change.

To make matters worse, Orochimaru had destroyed the plushies, and was not to strangle Itachi and rape him when according to Itachi's thought. Naruto paid him to get Sasuke back anyways...

"Itachi! Get some god damned guts and face him1" Sasuke spat, sounding like acid.

Silenced, the older Uchiha nodded his head. Eyes glowing with th sharingan, Itachi approached Orochimaru. The two ninja's locked gazes.

"So, Itachi-sama," Orochimaru moistened his lips with a snake-like tounge.

"Shut up." Itachi's voice mono tonal. Everyone watched from the sidelines. He tores a kunai from the sleeve of his T-shirt. Gathering all his courage, Itachi pulled Orochimaru toward him. "This is for all the shit you've done to me and Sasuke. This is for all those little kids you raped named Itachi." He strongly gripped Orochimaru's luscious hair. The blade slipped through it at the point where it was short like Sakura's. Naruto gasped as Orochimaru fainted. The snake-man fainted onto the ground/

"Listen, dobe," Sasuke faced the blond. "People move on. Not everything is going to go your way. I'm sorry... but it's my time ot move on. I need to realize... If I really did love you. And... If I really do loev Niichan way more than you." he patted Naruto's shoulder.

"S-Sasuke-teme.." Naruto's voice quivered.

"There are more people out there. I'm not the only guy." He managed a wry smile at Naruto and turned towards the waiting Itachi. Itachi had a grin on his face... he conquered his fear of Orochimaru in order to end this... war. Together, the Uchiha brothers walked out the store, toward the sunset. Naruto was left staring at the broken sliding door.

xxx

Leaning on Itachi's shoulder, Sasuke yawned. He had gotten Itachi back in approximately one and a half hours, or Itachi had won him back. The two gazed up at the dazzling pink sky.

"Sasuke-teme." a voice muttered. Sasuke turned. Naruto stood there, holding a gun. He smiled... so happily. The younger Uchiha had almost thought it was fake, that he looked at merely an image of what he wanted to see. "Thank-you... for your sunshine. But not, it's vanishing like the sun on the horizon." he brought the gun to his head.

Eyes widening, Sasuke darted forward. "N-NOOO!"

_Bang!_

Itachi was holding back his younger brother. Sasuke screamed out, tears streaming endlessly down his face.

"NO! Naruto-kun!" Sasuke cried helplessly. "Let go, Onii-san!"

"Stop, you idiot!" Itachi growled. "Can't you feel?! You sliced your leg on the cement while turning to him!" He gripped Sasuke tightly, Sasuke could now sense the terrible ache in his right thigh.

"N-no! It doesn't hurt! I need to help him!"

Gripping Sasuke's shirt, Itachi shook him. "Are you insane?! You'll make your condition worse and it's not even worth it! Naruto will just die in the end. Even if they saved him, who would want to live on with such severe brain damage!? The smartest thing is to just let him die!"

Silent, Sasuke cried into Sasuke's chest. "Why?! When he most needed me to hold him, to be there for him, I was selfish and left! I can't do anything right! Why does gaining one thing cost the loss of another?!" he lightly slammed his fists onto Itachi. "We're you worth that?! We're you fucking worth that?! Please Itachi-sama... help him!"

xxx

Sasuke quietly threw a bouquet of roses into the ocean.

"Sasuke-kun," Itachi whispered. Turning, Sasuke noticed the older Uchiha holding out his hand for him. Tears filling his eyes, Sasuke nodded and grabbed Itachi's hand... as they.. accidentally fell into the ocean.

xxx

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Urgh wow that sucked. Review if you really want to.

If you want a more serious story from me look at my other fics. Also, please be alert for my ItaSasu story and SasuNaru ItaNaru story that will be coming out soon... they won't be as... humourously entertaining... but still...


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